Parts I and II here and here.
"Oh so now you ain't got nothing to say?"
"I--um--well, I don't really know..."
"Nevermind. Forget about it." and he starts getting out of the car.
I grab his arm and say "Negative, partner. Explain yourself."
So he goes into this whole spiel about how he's been into me since we first met, but he never said anything because I used to always be talking about N. (Guilty. That boy has me completely GONE!) So he tried to suppress the feelings since I put him in the friend zone. According to him, I was too self-centered to see the signs and he felt foolish as time wore on. A finally told him that he needed to stop being such a punk and say something.
He still wouldn't let me saying anything. He hopped out of the car and told me to think about it and let him know later. I immediately paged my BFF L and told her to call my cell so we could figure this out. I love that it had to be a collaborative decision in my mind. She called and told me that she wasn't going to say anything either way. This needed to be my decision alone. Of course she was right, but I didn't wanna hear that.
I went to bed with the issue weighing on my mind. In the morning, I made the decision to just go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Besides, the added bonus of not so platonic activities sounded like a good idea to me. So we started dating and it was fun in the beginning. Face time at school/work, random make outs before dance practice (mine, not his), & spending every free moment outside of school/work together...y'know the typical teenage love affair (no AKeys).
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Story of K Part II
Part I here...
I honestly have no idea what she's talking about. I didn't really look at K in that way and was under the assumption that vice versa applied. Before we leave work that night, K apologizes for the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act and we're good (in my eyes at least). A few days later, I'm chilling with A (who is so damn messy!) at work and he's like "you know you're bogus, right?" He goes into this whole thing about how I'm playing K when everyone can see that he likes me. Telling me I shouldn't flirt with him because it's hurting K and all this jazz.
A) I never took the flirting with A thing seriously because yeah...no. 2) K is not even showing me any rhythm that makes me believe this to be true. After hearing it from two different people on two separate occasions though, I begin to wonder if it's true. So being my usual charming self, I tell A "Well, tell your boy to stop being a pussy and say something to me instead of making you run interference..."
Truth is, when K first started I thought he was really attractive (I had a thing for tall, light skinned boys then), but when we became good friends I brushed those initial feelings aside. I'd messed up enough friendships w/ boys by then to know better than to mix the two. I didn't want things to go the way of my school crush N sans requite and whatnot. Nevertheless, I digress...
When we're closing up for the night, K asks for a ride home. I'm still smarting with irritation from the A episode earlier, so I try brushing him off. He keeps insisting that we need to have a serious talk. Finally, I relent and give him the ride. He lived about 5 minutes from our job and it's dead silent on the whole ride there. We pull up to his house and he just sits there.
Being my usual smart assed self, I say "Aight then. Bye. Nice talk we had there."
"See, that's your fucking problem, Joe! You can't ever be serious."
"Come again? Serious about? You insisted on riding home with me so we could talk. Then proceeded to sit here like a fucking baby and brood the entire time. What am I supposed to be serious about?"
"Serious about me."
Well shut my mouth wide open.
I honestly have no idea what she's talking about. I didn't really look at K in that way and was under the assumption that vice versa applied. Before we leave work that night, K apologizes for the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde act and we're good (in my eyes at least). A few days later, I'm chilling with A (who is so damn messy!) at work and he's like "you know you're bogus, right?" He goes into this whole thing about how I'm playing K when everyone can see that he likes me. Telling me I shouldn't flirt with him because it's hurting K and all this jazz.
A) I never took the flirting with A thing seriously because yeah...no. 2) K is not even showing me any rhythm that makes me believe this to be true. After hearing it from two different people on two separate occasions though, I begin to wonder if it's true. So being my usual charming self, I tell A "Well, tell your boy to stop being a pussy and say something to me instead of making you run interference..."
Truth is, when K first started I thought he was really attractive (I had a thing for tall, light skinned boys then), but when we became good friends I brushed those initial feelings aside. I'd messed up enough friendships w/ boys by then to know better than to mix the two. I didn't want things to go the way of my school crush N sans requite and whatnot. Nevertheless, I digress...
When we're closing up for the night, K asks for a ride home. I'm still smarting with irritation from the A episode earlier, so I try brushing him off. He keeps insisting that we need to have a serious talk. Finally, I relent and give him the ride. He lived about 5 minutes from our job and it's dead silent on the whole ride there. We pull up to his house and he just sits there.
Being my usual smart assed self, I say "Aight then. Bye. Nice talk we had there."
"See, that's your fucking problem, Joe! You can't ever be serious."
"Come again? Serious about? You insisted on riding home with me so we could talk. Then proceeded to sit here like a fucking baby and brood the entire time. What am I supposed to be serious about?"
"Serious about me."
Well shut my mouth wide open.
Monday, November 9, 2009
The Story of K, part I
I have alluded to this story several times in the past and it is now time for me to share it. You see, I'd been reluctant to even begin to tell it because after all this time, it still makes me feel some kinda way about everything and how it went down. I have to break this up into parts because it's a freaking TOME. This is the story of K, the first guy I ever called myself loving. This is the relationship that pretty much defined every relationship since. It shaped how I deal with guys as well as how I let them deal with me. At any rate, here is part one...
It all started back in 1999. I was in my junior year of high school, mooning over this dude that I was friends with, N. Story of my life. At any rate, I had resigned myself to the fact that we'd never be more, but that didn't stop my imagination from going on trips every now and then. K began working at my after school gig around the time I was going through all of this and we became really cool. I'd talk to him about N and he'd call himself giving me advice. I humored him and was his sounding board as well. He rarely spoke freely about chicks he was digging, but when he did I'd offer my $.02.
Soon after K started at the gig, another guy named A started. Well, K&A became really tight because they were usually the only two younger guys working at our store. I thought A was the cutest thing since puppies the first time I saw him. In typical teen girl fashion, I shifted my crush from my school friend N to A. I used to find the stupidest reasons to walk around the store, so I could go see him. Flirting mercilessly, I got the feeling that A was kinda feeling me as well.
One day out of the blue, he asked me about K. He saw us together a lot and wondered what was going on. I went into the "he's just my boy" song and dance. A finds it funny because according to him, "That [ninja] STAY talkin bout you. I coulda swore you were his." Perplexed, I went to K and jokingly said, "So I'm on your mind a lot, huh? I just got an ear full about us from A." He got so upset and wouldn't talk to me. This went on for a few full days until one day he randomly asked me to take lunch with him.
So we go to lunch and I'm ribbing him about the silent treatment. He gets angry (again) and goes off on this whole spiel about how I need to talk about what I know and stop assuming. Of course, I'm irritated because here he goes again getting all pissy with seemingly no reason. So I get in a huff and leave him in the restaurant. I get back to work and I'm telling my best friend L about the drama with K. She's like, "Are you blind? Everyone but you sees it..."
It all started back in 1999. I was in my junior year of high school, mooning over this dude that I was friends with, N. Story of my life. At any rate, I had resigned myself to the fact that we'd never be more, but that didn't stop my imagination from going on trips every now and then. K began working at my after school gig around the time I was going through all of this and we became really cool. I'd talk to him about N and he'd call himself giving me advice. I humored him and was his sounding board as well. He rarely spoke freely about chicks he was digging, but when he did I'd offer my $.02.
Soon after K started at the gig, another guy named A started. Well, K&A became really tight because they were usually the only two younger guys working at our store. I thought A was the cutest thing since puppies the first time I saw him. In typical teen girl fashion, I shifted my crush from my school friend N to A. I used to find the stupidest reasons to walk around the store, so I could go see him. Flirting mercilessly, I got the feeling that A was kinda feeling me as well.
One day out of the blue, he asked me about K. He saw us together a lot and wondered what was going on. I went into the "he's just my boy" song and dance. A finds it funny because according to him, "That [ninja] STAY talkin bout you. I coulda swore you were his." Perplexed, I went to K and jokingly said, "So I'm on your mind a lot, huh? I just got an ear full about us from A." He got so upset and wouldn't talk to me. This went on for a few full days until one day he randomly asked me to take lunch with him.
So we go to lunch and I'm ribbing him about the silent treatment. He gets angry (again) and goes off on this whole spiel about how I need to talk about what I know and stop assuming. Of course, I'm irritated because here he goes again getting all pissy with seemingly no reason. So I get in a huff and leave him in the restaurant. I get back to work and I'm telling my best friend L about the drama with K. She's like, "Are you blind? Everyone but you sees it..."
Friday, November 6, 2009
Textually speaking...
I have a love/hate relationship with text messaging. Sometimes I think that text messaging can be a wonderful tool for communication. For example, you really don't want to talk on the phone with someone, but need a medium by which to communicate information. So long as the person doesn't immediately call you back (pet peeve), your mission is accomplished.
My hatred for the wonderful world of texting begins with those who abuse it. There are some people who think that 160 characters is sufficient enough to be their only means of communication. These people suffer from a debilitating disease named Chronic Texting syndrome (CTS). A while back I met this guy. He seemed nice enough, was cute, and personable. We exchanged numbers with intentions to meet up again for dinner/drinks/something. A few days later I get a text from him and we chat a bit that way. A couple days later, I call and get voice mail. Anyone that knows me knows I HATE leaving messages, but I'm feeling dude so I leave one. A few hours later I get a text from him like, "Oh, I missed your call. :(" Dude, are you effing serious?! Why would you not call me back?! Especially since I'm sure the last line I said was like, "Talk to ya later" and NOT "Text me when you get this". Needless to say, we didn't quite make it past the texting stage. A combination of things lead us down that road, haha! The CTS was the icing on the cake.
The next textual offender is the chronic forwarder. Every joke, affirmation of friendship, declaration of love sort of message that these people get they feel the need to send onto you. WHY?! I will admit, I will send forwards. Most times only if they've genuinely made me have an IRL reaction. Otherwise I read 'em like, "Oh that's nice. Moving on. . ." My lil cousin (love her to death) is a half a step from getting blessed out if I get another text from her that ends with an entreaty for me to not only send it back to her, but 397 of my closest friends as well. Good night nurse!
The last textual offender really burns my grits. Drunk texter, I am speaking to you. They say everyone is guilty of it, true. Unlike most people however, I compulsively reread all texts I send out to avoid the following. I received the following text on Sunday morning at 12:41 am: I wishvd i hrd somein clvr to say to end u n sx from last nite. First of all, I do not even know what that means. Second of all, I haven't spoken to you in forever and you're texting me? I did not think we were still friends! [No offense. None taken.] Finally, seriously what the fuck does that mean?
The moral of the story is this kids. Text messaging is an acceptable form of communication when used correctly. For those of you who abuse the privilege, don't take offense when you notice the responses becoming fewer and even further inbetween.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
When will it be my turn?
I feel as if this post and the last one is going to paint me as some unfulfilled emo kid who is seeking attention. Notsomuch. I just have these thoughts running through my head and I am done with trying to suppress them with drugs and booze. HA! Kidding. Everyone knows drugs are bad. ;) At any rate, I'm trying to come to terms with some things and I work through stuff better when I write about it so here goes...
Last night, all of a sudden, I got really despondent. I was on Facebook (I've got to get a life & curb this addiction) flitting about when I came upon my cousin's page. He is my age & has already been married twice. (That's some dysfunctional shit, son!) The first one last a little bit over a year and his ex-wife was a heinous, golddigging, cheating slattern who didn't deserve him. I don't know much about this new wife (except she's Finnish and he moved to Finland to be with her), but so far everything seems to be going well for them. So anyway, I'm looking through their pictures and they've sickeningly happy & all that jazz. *rolls eyes* Where's the spoon so you can gag me with it? Yes, that last sentence you read was me throwing hella shade at them and their good good love. It's only because seeing it is a constant reminder of my inability to find anything closely resembling what they have together.
I had to get off of Facebook and collect myself because I was on the verge of tears. (Much like I am while writing this if we're being honest with each other.) At teh ripe old age of 27 (haha), I can count the number of signficant, non-dysfunctional relationships I've had on one hand. As a matter of fact, I won't even need that hand because the number is zero. I've dated, had boyfriends, and even fancied myself in love a time or two. None of them had the staying power. Men flee from me like food products on a teflon surface. Well...actually, I shouldn't say that.
In all honesty, most relationships that I've been in that've ended badly have been because of me. I don't have the most extensive dating history, but I've been in my fair share of relationships (K, Stee, My "boyfriend", That Dude, & reluctantly admitting this Buddy). Barring K(whose story I started writing a couple weeks ago w/ intentions on sharing here) and the crazy dude who TOLD me I was dating him, I've let some pretty good dudes go. There's a pattern I follow damn near to the letter each time I get involved with someone. I meet a guy who fits my crazy criteria and we become friends. I let him get a little closer and that friendship blossoms into something more (not necessarily sexual). The closer he gets, I freak the hell out and push him away. Rinse & repeat.
I constantly say that I want companionship. I want to find that all encompassing "love of my life". Yet, I can't allow anyone to get close enough to be to become that one. *sigh* You would think that recognizance of destructive behavior would put one on alert to alter it, right? Meh, notsomuch. I'm still over here on my Christina Aguilera steez, hoping for someone to "Save Me From Myself" (amazing song, btw!).
Last night, all of a sudden, I got really despondent. I was on Facebook (I've got to get a life & curb this addiction) flitting about when I came upon my cousin's page. He is my age & has already been married twice. (That's some dysfunctional shit, son!) The first one last a little bit over a year and his ex-wife was a heinous, golddigging, cheating slattern who didn't deserve him. I don't know much about this new wife (except she's Finnish and he moved to Finland to be with her), but so far everything seems to be going well for them. So anyway, I'm looking through their pictures and they've sickeningly happy & all that jazz. *rolls eyes* Where's the spoon so you can gag me with it? Yes, that last sentence you read was me throwing hella shade at them and their good good love. It's only because seeing it is a constant reminder of my inability to find anything closely resembling what they have together.
I had to get off of Facebook and collect myself because I was on the verge of tears. (Much like I am while writing this if we're being honest with each other.) At teh ripe old age of 27 (haha), I can count the number of signficant, non-dysfunctional relationships I've had on one hand. As a matter of fact, I won't even need that hand because the number is zero. I've dated, had boyfriends, and even fancied myself in love a time or two. None of them had the staying power. Men flee from me like food products on a teflon surface. Well...actually, I shouldn't say that.
In all honesty, most relationships that I've been in that've ended badly have been because of me. I don't have the most extensive dating history, but I've been in my fair share of relationships (K, Stee, My "boyfriend", That Dude, & reluctantly admitting this Buddy). Barring K(whose story I started writing a couple weeks ago w/ intentions on sharing here) and the crazy dude who TOLD me I was dating him, I've let some pretty good dudes go. There's a pattern I follow damn near to the letter each time I get involved with someone. I meet a guy who fits my crazy criteria and we become friends. I let him get a little closer and that friendship blossoms into something more (not necessarily sexual). The closer he gets, I freak the hell out and push him away. Rinse & repeat.
I constantly say that I want companionship. I want to find that all encompassing "love of my life". Yet, I can't allow anyone to get close enough to be to become that one. *sigh* You would think that recognizance of destructive behavior would put one on alert to alter it, right? Meh, notsomuch. I'm still over here on my Christina Aguilera steez, hoping for someone to "Save Me From Myself" (amazing song, btw!).
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